So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
