nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Terrible idea I love it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize