i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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