I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize