I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
