I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
