Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
