Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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