so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
