watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize