drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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