i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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