i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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