dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
