Just cropdusted the office
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
