time to smoke my breakfast
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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