We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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