Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
