Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
