why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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