I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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