I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
