we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
