Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
