the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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