dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
