Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
FUCK WHALES
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
