see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
