Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
