I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
