it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
