matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
