Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
