I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
