Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
