I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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