The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize