im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
