its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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