I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
