OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
