We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I will pee on everything he values.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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