So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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