yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
