thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
