There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
