I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize