I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
