She's JV to your varsity
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
