Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
