I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
