can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
