OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
