Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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