I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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