his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
