What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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