She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
