I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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