Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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