Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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