when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
