what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize