I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
