since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
