New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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