Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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