I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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