Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
