and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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