His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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