I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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