I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
