This is not my ceiling
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
