I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
