Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
