also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
