Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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