I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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