And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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